Who Am I?

Who am i?

What is my identity?

Has my identity been stolen?

Have I lost passion?

Why am I not inspired?

Why do people make me lie to them instead of just giving me a break and accepting my instincts as real?

Where do I find myself again?

If I have lost confidence, why do I need it?

I had this thought today that I am thirty years old and I have experienced some pretty wonderful things in my time on earth. So now when I have an idea or simply just do something, having others tell me what I should do, or how I can do it better is really demeaning!

Isn’t half the process of growing learning from ones own mistakes and self developments?

It’s no wonder I am feeling adrift when my life seems never to be good enough for other people.

And “why should I listen to them?” I hear you ask! Well because I care about these people, yep the same ones that make me feel like crap, I end up avoiding because they are not real or relevant to where I am in my life right now.

We attract people that we need in our lives and right now all I need is a man to support me, I think I have found him, and the most troubling bit is that he has been there all along! I am too blind literally and figuratively and have been misguided by those around me, yep the same ones I claim to care about.

So back to the top again,

Who am I?

I’ve been googling “how to find ones identity” but there is nothing on the internet that I have come across yet to help me.

If I meander through this life just a little while longer will things finally fall into place?

I hope so!

Conceptual Expressionism

Bit of a mouthful i know but today i stuck myself into a box, something artists should never do! but i am different! coz i cut the cardboard to build the box to my own measurements lol

the other day i was out to dinner with some friends and someone asked me what type of art i do and i replied vaigly saying i would class myself as an expressionist. I love the colour fields and fauvist styles i sometimes present, but it occurred to me today that everything i do, no matter what medium i am working with, has a concept behind it.
When i was at tafe my concept was this…

“using film and photography I want to investigate the relationship between human emotions and the power of water”

another mouthful i know.

lately, still on the same track i have been dabling a bit deeper, looking at myself as a vessel out in the ocean with the ability to land on whatever grounds i want to but feeling a bit adrift at the same time.

I started keeping a daily journal of my feelings and the colours i felt at the time to help me come up with a series of paintings to express it. I have prepared two canvases and today started applying the background image to one of them. I am impressed with the colours so far and can’t wait for the finished result although i will be taking it slowly like the masters have done before me.

Last night i was listening to a lecture by a guy named Jim Rohn and in it he said…

“Philosophy is the sails and Opportunity is the wind”

I thought it applied to me and my life so i added it to my journal.

Leo Tolstoy

Lately I've been getting into a bit deeper literary readings, Leo Tolstoy is my current obsession.

Here are a few quotes i have found by him that apply to my life right now, I hope some people i know will find them relevant to their time here on earth too!
:)

Joy can be real only if people look on their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness.

Your life will feel empty if you have hatred toward even one person. If someone offends you... you can say to yourself, 'This person abused me. That is his or her choice, but it is my choice to do good.'

Live in the needs of the day, that is, find forgetfulness.

"You become what you love."

"The best solution is to be kind and good while ignoring the opinions of others."

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

If you want to be happy, be.

Interesting Stuff From South Australia

At Naracoorte in SA I experienced my first live horse dancing competition. This is where the riders get music to match the horses hoof prints and they need to carry out a certain number of pace changes during the event.

I saw some terrible exhibitions of this but there was one lady who stood out totally, forgive me for not remembering her name, I will find that out but she used the classical track by Elgar - Pomp and Circumstance March No 1

She had it arranged at a sound studio to get the tempo of the track changed to match her horses hooves. Unlike many of the other contestants she didn't need to cut the track and leave horrible pauses in the track.

It stood out magnificently and i was so inspired. I can't wait till i get my next horse, I will have it dancing around in no time :)



These are some friendly Kookaburras that visited us at Pete's Place In Mundulla South Australia


I thought this seat and table was interesting. You can find it outside the tourist centre in Bordertown South Australia.

Stallion ... He Bites

One of my adventure days in Naracoorte in South Australia me and two friends were wonderring through the stables after the eventing was finished.

Se came across this horse who was overly friendly with his mouth and we all decided he might be a bit bitey so we should keep clear of his stall.

Then we noticed the fine print on the canvas sheet by his head, it says "STALLION ... HE BITES"!

We thought the owners could have made a bigger effort on the signage lol :)

Family Trip To Freo

On my way over East me and the folks decided to spend a day travelling through our old town Fremantle in Western Australia


Here are some pics of Dad ...We had a giggle forcing him to stand under them all lol :)

Stress & Destressing

Well as you can see it’s been a few weeks since I last posted something, I’ve been traveling all over the countryside.

I will start posting my pics and stories shortly but for now I wanted to tell you about my day. My life has turned un-necessarily stressful recently and having once had burn out I can feel it coming on a bit recently, so I’ve decided to pull away from those people and situations that detract from my happiness.

Today I spent the day cleaning my mum’s back area which has that horrible fake grass that collects dirt and with three dogs in the backyard they make a great mess of it all. After vacuuming and washing walls and thing tops it looked like a million dollars and I was so proud.

I was still feeling a little wrestles so decided to tackle some weeds in my front yard and have only got raking and disposal of them to go.

I guess when all these jobs are done I can start focusing on work again but for now I am happy pretending I am stress free.

It’s pretty funny sometimes I will be watching tv at mum’s house and I will warn her that some shows are prone to making me cry and she laughs but without fail the waterworks have started before the end of the show.

I guess I am being a little emotional but until I find my place in this beautiful world I will remain emotional lol

You will just have to get used to me the way I am J