Who Am I?

Who am i?

What is my identity?

Has my identity been stolen?

Have I lost passion?

Why am I not inspired?

Why do people make me lie to them instead of just giving me a break and accepting my instincts as real?

Where do I find myself again?

If I have lost confidence, why do I need it?

I had this thought today that I am thirty years old and I have experienced some pretty wonderful things in my time on earth. So now when I have an idea or simply just do something, having others tell me what I should do, or how I can do it better is really demeaning!

Isn’t half the process of growing learning from ones own mistakes and self developments?

It’s no wonder I am feeling adrift when my life seems never to be good enough for other people.

And “why should I listen to them?” I hear you ask! Well because I care about these people, yep the same ones that make me feel like crap, I end up avoiding because they are not real or relevant to where I am in my life right now.

We attract people that we need in our lives and right now all I need is a man to support me, I think I have found him, and the most troubling bit is that he has been there all along! I am too blind literally and figuratively and have been misguided by those around me, yep the same ones I claim to care about.

So back to the top again,

Who am I?

I’ve been googling “how to find ones identity” but there is nothing on the internet that I have come across yet to help me.

If I meander through this life just a little while longer will things finally fall into place?

I hope so!

Conceptual Expressionism

Bit of a mouthful i know but today i stuck myself into a box, something artists should never do! but i am different! coz i cut the cardboard to build the box to my own measurements lol

the other day i was out to dinner with some friends and someone asked me what type of art i do and i replied vaigly saying i would class myself as an expressionist. I love the colour fields and fauvist styles i sometimes present, but it occurred to me today that everything i do, no matter what medium i am working with, has a concept behind it.
When i was at tafe my concept was this…

“using film and photography I want to investigate the relationship between human emotions and the power of water”

another mouthful i know.

lately, still on the same track i have been dabling a bit deeper, looking at myself as a vessel out in the ocean with the ability to land on whatever grounds i want to but feeling a bit adrift at the same time.

I started keeping a daily journal of my feelings and the colours i felt at the time to help me come up with a series of paintings to express it. I have prepared two canvases and today started applying the background image to one of them. I am impressed with the colours so far and can’t wait for the finished result although i will be taking it slowly like the masters have done before me.

Last night i was listening to a lecture by a guy named Jim Rohn and in it he said…

“Philosophy is the sails and Opportunity is the wind”

I thought it applied to me and my life so i added it to my journal.

Leo Tolstoy

Lately I've been getting into a bit deeper literary readings, Leo Tolstoy is my current obsession.

Here are a few quotes i have found by him that apply to my life right now, I hope some people i know will find them relevant to their time here on earth too!
:)

Joy can be real only if people look on their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness.

Your life will feel empty if you have hatred toward even one person. If someone offends you... you can say to yourself, 'This person abused me. That is his or her choice, but it is my choice to do good.'

Live in the needs of the day, that is, find forgetfulness.

"You become what you love."

"The best solution is to be kind and good while ignoring the opinions of others."

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

If you want to be happy, be.